So, a couple days ago, I saw the most messed up and really, all around awesome concert I've ever seen...GWAR. For those of you who don't know who they are, check out their bio page. Now that everyone is acquainted, I'll describe what I saw, heard and had done to me. Most likely in chronological order, too!

I get to the club where they're playing about 15 minutes before the doors open. While waiting in line, I get my "I can drink" wristband, proving I'm over 19 and can have a beer. I get in, do the whole coat check thing because its cold and stuff outside and make my way towards the concert area. Before heading down to the floor, I grab a beer at the bar and wander around for a bit. I finish my drink and decide that its time to get close to the stage or at least in the general vicinity of the mosh pit.

After about 10-15 minutes of standing around, the first of two opening acts comes on. It was a band from Toronto called The End. They were actually fairly decent. They had a nice heavy sound and did some cool things with a megaphone. And since I'm a sucker for megaphones, they were good in my books. The crowd wasn't too into them, a lot of bobbing heads and what not. The mosh pit for the most part was calm. This allowed to girls to get into the centre of the pit and take their shirts off. During the middle of a song, the singer of The End just says "holy shit, check that out" and points to the mosh pit area. And there they are, two girls (good looking, no less) are jumping around with no shirts on. They got (and deserved) a nice round of applause. After the song, the singer mentioned that he loves boobies, which prompted the girls to kiss eachother and eachother's boobs. It was awesome.

They finish their set and haul off their equipment, making way for the next band to come on, Three Inches of Blood. After a short intermission, they came on and started the show. This band was more well known in the crowd and as such, had a much more frenzied atmosphere on the floor. The mosh pit started to pick up, which was nice and the music was really good. Definitely have no complaints about their set...it was hard, fast and kick-ass. At this point, I was already starting to feel sore, so I knew I was in for one hell of a beating once the main act got on stage.

As the time for GWAR to get on stage approaches, more and more people come into the floor area, making it VERY crowded. I managed to stake out a spot fairly close to the stage, near one of the larger mosh pits. As the road crew was doing sound checks, the crowd started getting edgy and the pushing started. The crowd ebbed back and forth, all while cheering "GWAR! GWAR! GWAR!", I knew I was in for a special treat.

Now, at this point, I should probably mention that most of us were wearing white t-shirts. There is a very good reason for this. You'll find out what that reason is a little later on in this ramble. The lights go down, smoke machines come on and Beefcake the Mighty, the bassist walks onto the stage. I couldn't actually believe what I was seeing as the rest of the band, fronted by Oderus Urungus took their places on stage and lead off with what I believe was "Penguin Attack". Their sound equipment wasn't that good...but the spectacle more than made up for it. During the end of the song, a guy dressed up as the Pope comes out and "cuts" himself open, spraying blood into the crowd. This is why everyone (including myself) was wearing a white t-shirt. To get covered in blood as a sort of trophy of the concert. When the blood started spraying, the crowd crushed forward to get covered in it. Unfortunately, I only managed to get a few drops on my face and none on my still white shirt.

But...all that was to quickly change. Just after the Pope left, they brought out a fire hose that drenched the entre floor area in blood. My face got covered in blood (which looked really badass) and my shirt was now a shade of red. The song ends, and the crowd goes wild. Horns were being thrown around like...whatever people throw around a lot of. The next few songs didn't involve blood, but did involve some of the most intense crowd action I've ever been a part of. The most pit was huge and extremely rough/awesome. It seemed that no matter where you went, you were part of the pit. Although it was rough, it was still a civilized pit...which is always nice. For their next song, "Saddam A Go-Go", they brought out a guy dressed as Hitler. Hitler then proceeded to pull out a two foot long penis and spray the crowd with blue jizz as he jumped with the beat of the song while seig heil-ing. I've never laughed that hard at any concert I've ever been to.

Most of the same continued through their set, they would bring out a famous figure, injure/kill them, spraying the crowd in mystery fluid and then proceeding to rock out while the crowd whipped into a frenzy. Celebrities included George W. Bush, Jesus, Hitler, Pope Benedict XVI, Bam Margera, Don Vito, random police and "Jewcifer". Another highlight was with the Don Vito character. He bent over and his ass sprayed green fluid all over the crowd. The guy right beside me got hit by the entire stream. We just looked at eachother, said "fuck, that was awesome", high fived and kept rocking out.

Eventually, as all good things do, the concert ended. I was disappointed that they didn't play "Meat Sandwich" or "Sick of You". But whatever. I came out of the pit, absolutely COVERED in fluids. My shirt was now multicoloured and my face was caked with the dried paint from the fluid. I went into a gas station on my drive home and the attendant gave me the weirdest looks. All in all, it was a good show and if you ever have the chance to see GWAR, definitely take it. You won't be disappointed.